I would be remiss not to acknowledge that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I have numerous friends still in the fight and want you to know you’re never forgotten, that you’re loved beyond measure, and that I’m still here cheering you on. ❤️
The sting from all we endured may soften a bit over time, but most days it still feels pretty fresh for us, even with Paisley running around as an active, fun, and ornery 16 month old. Our 9 year struggle is still a part of our lives, always lurking in the background, something we’re painfully reminded of as of late yet again as the “playful” nudges have begun from others insisting we need to “get on it and have another”, that “Paisley needs a sibling”. We get eyerolls in return for saying “it’s just not that simple for us…” or noting that realistically she’s likely our only one. What they don’t seem to understand is that these “nudges” are painful reminders of our loss-littered journey, poking at old wounds that never fully healed.
Make no mistake; we are eternally grateful to have our miracle baby girl. For me at least, mostly the teasing, sing-songy comments we’re once again experiencing illicit almost a sense of shame, knowing that we somehow beat the odds once already, while so many others still wait for their miracles.
This dichotomy is why I don’t often post photos or updates about baby milestones on social media, at least not outside the private group I’ve got set up for a select group of friends and family, as I know firsthand that soul-crushing ache of watching from the other side of the fence. I’d never want to cause that same unintended hurt for anyone else. I know firsthand what it’s like to be in the grief-stricken throes of yet another cycle failure and be inundated with pregnancy or birth announcements or a whirlwind of baby photos and updates online. While I understand that no one is responsible for our feelings but ourselves, I truly hope I’ve walked the line successfully without causing that same hurt to anyone else that weighed so heavily on my own heart for so many years.
With all that’s happening in the world right now, there are a lot of aching hearts from unexpectedly canceled IUIs and IVF transfers, many of which may not have a second chance due to finances or time sensitivity. I certainly don’t have the answers but I do believe in miracles. They happen when we’re least expecting them!
If you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. Please reach out. I’ve been there and know how much the burden lifts when you can lean on someone else who understands. Know down to the deepest, smallest fiber of your being that you’re a warrior and you WILL survive this, no matter what! Wrapping each of you warriors in lots of love this week and always ❤️
infertilemidnightbaker 