Can We Please Freeze Time?

Where has the time gone?

It feels like it was not long ago that we found out you were coming…but it’s been more than a year already.

It feels like it was just a couple months ago we were celebrating you at my baby shower, wondering when you’d come, who you’d look like…but that was 8 months ago already.

It feels like just weeks since you were born, when I gave that final push after 35.5 hours of my induction to bring you into this world, hearing your tiny cry for the first time, locking eyes with you as they laid you on my chest and we finally got to meet after so many years of heartbreak and frustration, washing it all away in one sweet moment…the 7 months since that moment have gone by in a blur of learning about each other and creating our new life as a family of three.

Where has the time gone? I watch you grow just a little bit bigger and change just a little bit more every day, and I wish I could freeze time. You no longer look like the tiny baby girl I birthed; as I nursed you in the soft, dim light tonight, I studied your sweet face, and realized, through tears, how quickly your littleness is slipping away from me. Your tiny newbornness is being replaced with the soft, beautiful features of a little girl, slowly enough each day that it’s hard to notice – until we look up and all of a sudden it’s undeniable how much you’ve changed, wondering how it happened so fast.

I love watching you explore and learn new things every day; watching as you discover your voice, your fingers and toes, your two new teeth, your toys, your kitty…learning new tricks like rolling over and scooting on your back (your precursor to crawling, no doubt), reaching for things you want (including your Mama when someone else is holding you), sitting up in your big girl high chair or in Mama’s pillow “nest” on the bed. Your sweet belly laughs are contagious, and your smile is the most incredible, gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.

Wishing I could bottle your littleness and hold you in that space just a little longer, knowing that with every day, a little piece of that littleness falls away, never to return. In its place is your awe-inspiring evolution into the sweet, spunky, determined little girl you’re becoming.

Beanie, you are your Mama and Daddy’s whole world, and our moon and stars too. You are who we waited for all these years; you are beyond worth the wait. You are so much more than we ever imagined, so much more than we ever dreamed of or hoped for. Thank you for choosing us. We love you bigger than you could even know. ❤️