Selfishness Required…

It’s utterly important to be selfish sometimes. Yes, I said selfish. No, I’m not condoning truly ugly, douchecanoe-like behavior; I’m talking about recognizing your own needs and wants so you can fill your own cup before allowing others to drink from your overflow. It’s ok – even necessary – to do what’s best for YOU in this moment while you’re waiting for your obviously-lost stork to ask for some damn directions to find you already. You NEED to treat yourself to that massage, or that painting class you’ve been eyeing (from personal experience lately – this ROCKS!!), or girls’ night out, or a little retail therapy. It’s ok to say no when you really mean it. You don’t have to go to your third cousin twice removed’s fourth baby shower if you’re just not feelin’ it. It’s ok and even super crazy important to be able to talk about your journey – and to know that you’re neither nuts nor alone. Just don’t let it suck the life out of your life in the meantime.

Let’s be honest…this fertility journey effing sucks huge donkey balls some days, and that’s ok. You’ve survived 100% of whatever life has thrown at you thus far, and that’s pretty good, right? It’s ok to scream, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be angry. Just don’t stay there. Learn to look for the silver linings in those ominous, dark clouds that seem to be eternally circling above your head.

I challenge you to make a list of what blessings or lessons you’re getting from this journey that you wouldn’t have otherwise had. Both add to it and review it often. For instance…I am grateful that Mr. Cupcake and I have had almost ten wonderful years of just being “us”, sans kiddos (we’ve been together for nearly 10 years, married for 8, and TTC for over 7). We’ve been able to get to know each other at an amazingly deep level, reconnecting and falling in love all over again, because we can. At least for the time being, we don’t have to worry about finding a babysitter if we feel like going out for pizza or catching a movie, and we can have *ahem* playtime whenever we feel like it, without worrying about waking a baby or being interrupted by a kid’s umpteenth request for something as a stall tactic to avoid going to bed. Right now, we don’t have the expense of buying diapers, a closet full of onesies, or expensive carseats, and don’t have to figure out daycare arrangements or pediatricians. We get to learn from the parenting wins and fails of our peers, so we can hopefully apply that knowledge to our own brood someday. We could, theoretically at least, take off for a tropical vacation and only have to worry about tapping a neighbor to check on and feed the furbabies while we’re gone. Of course we’d give all of that up in a heartbeat if it meant that we got the chance to finally have a take-home baby, but we’re enjoying our freedom – and our chance to be selfish – in the meantime.

So what say you? What are YOU most grateful for or what have you learned while on your too-long journey to parenthood? In what ways will you be gloriously selfish – and therefore kind – to yourself this week? ❤


One Comment Add yours

  1. Natalie says:

    I can’t speak for the infertility part (not married and not looking to have a child for quite a few more years), but I really love your opening lines: it’s important to be selfish sometimes. And it is! It’s great to be selfless and help others, but if we ignore our own needs, it’s just as unhealthy as being selfish all the time.

    Great post, and good luck on your fertility journey!


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